my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
