I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
