Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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