Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
