you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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