hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
