Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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