im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
