someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
