i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
