wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
