we made out on top of his cat.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
