you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
