Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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