I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
