I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
