she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Less talking, more tequila
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize