i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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