At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
