My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
