i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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