I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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