whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dignity is for republicans.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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