she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
