you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize