I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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