it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
