Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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