why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
