My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
