I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
