Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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