My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
