Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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