Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize