Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
