I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
