i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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