Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You pole danced in your parka.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
