genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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