i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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