i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize