I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Shame - the story of my life.
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