When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
