I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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