but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
