Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize