I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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