I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
