Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
