I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
