Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
