im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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