I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
is wine microwaveable?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
