I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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