just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize