I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
