if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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