my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
