Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
