We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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