remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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