If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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