OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
