my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
