Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You need Xanax blowdarts
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
