This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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